VICTORIOUS SECRET VS. BABIES AND PUSSIES..?

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One chilly night in Mocktober, Tony Romo was getting all ready for beddie. He brushed his perfect, pearly white teeth ; put on his feety pajamas; and hopped into bed and under his favorite Pretty Pretty Princess sheets. He was just drifting off into dream land when a ghost suddenly appeared at his bedside! The ghastly creature scared the piss out of Tony Romo.. then he saw that it was Jessica Simpson. (Which should've scared the piss out of him even more.) "Baby.. you came back to me..!...??" he cried, but she replied, "No you raging homo. I'm the ghost of football- mistakes- past. I am here to show you what an awful QB you are..."

Before he could think of any kind of rebuttle, they were whisked away to Tony Romo's past..

"THERE'S NO CRYING IN FOOTBALL!",

the Jessica-Simpson-ghost screamed. "I was soo not crying.." Romo tried to reason, "..I got turf in my eyes." "Well whatever the case may be," the ghost said to him, "it doesn't change the fact that you're a pansy."



"Wellll.. that was THEN." Romo declared. "I'm a big boy now."


Under her breath, the ghastly Jessica said "I wouldn't be so confident in the "big" department, tic-tac-dick.."












The next stop was Romo's present. Yes, maybe he had stopped crying everytime the other team scored, but that was only because he dreamed of himself scoring with nearly ever guy on the other team..





















Romo even suggested the Cowboys change their colors.. because he thought the navy blue took away from his darling bedroom eyes. Naturally, no one went for it.

"If this continues through this Sunday," Miss Ghost warned, "VICTORIOUS SECRET is going to hang you by your very own Pink Crush thong from atop the goal post for your viewing displeasure as they beat all your other "PUSSY" teammates to a pulp."

That thought was meant to scare Romo, but as he fantasized about which players would actually be reaching into his pants to retrieve his panties.. a look of excitement crept onto his face.. Jason Witten perhaps? or maybe that sex machine Ronnie Brown.. Romo did always fantasize about the big black ones..

But before Romo could get a good hard on, a horrifying image of his future was flashed before him..

It was the sexiest QB of them all.. Peyton Manning.

"I SWARE TO CHRIST TONY HOMO.. IF YOU TOUCH MY ASS

ONE MORE TIME, YOU BETTER START WEARING YOUR HELMET

ON YOUR PICKLE, COS THAT'S WHERE THIS BALL'S GOING."